It’s 6 days…
Holy Guacamole…it’s ONLY 6 days until I throw myself headlong into the Evolation Abu Dhabi Teacher Training.
I am filled with so many mixed emotions regarding becoming a ‘yoga teacher’. For so long I have thought of myself as the student. Each teacher and instructor I have ever met has given me a little pearl of wisdom in one-way shape or form. Some teachers have had a massive impact, others not so much… but every word of praise, every gentle correction and at times every blatant but necessary telling me how it is moment have helped me learn to love yoga. To all those teachers I am full of gratitude. It is hard to visualize myself as being one of ‘them’- the one that inspires, leads and sets an example worth following.
At times I am potentially the most frustrating of students- the one who knows she can go higher in full lotus but will let her mind win and sit out the second set. The one who practices regularly and then disappears for a month. So why begin a journey to become a yoga instructor? I am not young nor a front row ‘Rock Star’. My standing bow will never be a gracious split. I do know though that when I practice yoga I am a better me…. I am true to myself and I am a better mother, partner, daughter, sister and friend… I am a better human. Hopefully as a teacher that will be amplified and I will be the me I want to be.
Selfish? You betcha! Potentially it’s not very yogini like – but it is the truth.
feelings before the evolation abu dhabi teacher training
So here I am standing on the edge ready to immerse myself in four weeks of training. I am thrilled to think of how much I will learn, what doors will open and how I will grow. I am also petrified that a nagging injury will impact my ability to practice as much as I hear you do throughout the course. I know I won’t have the strongest practice, I know I wont be the youngest I also know it is good, even necessary, to acknowledge where I am in my life ‘right now’ and the next four weeks are hopefully the beginning of me being more present in the hear and now.There is no hiding from yourself when you practice yoga regularly… I am scared of that to be honest. It is probably what I have run from the most in the past with my practice. The little ‘yoga bubble’ I am about to enter will not leave many places to hide. Potentially this is exactly what I need.
As for learning the dialogue, don’t even get me started. Some postures are spectacular, others are closer to me trying to speak with a mouthful of marbles at 20,000 leagues under the sea with advanced stages of dementia. It is what it is…. Or that is what I keep telling myself.
On the practical side I wonder how I will squeeze in meals, how our group will bond, when will I find time to wash my gear…. So many questions which will probably seem trivial in eight days time. I am one of the lucky ones- I know so many people who have had to quit jobs, leave loved ones, put themselves out on a limb financially to earn their teacher training qualifications. Me…. I live in Abu Dhabi- I will see my family every day, sleep in my own bed, be surrounded by the familiar. I can be hugged and held by those who know me best when the going gets tough and I don’t every want to do another ‘Rabbit’ ever again. I live a five minute walk from the studio. For that I feel blessed.
But I’m still scared. The next 6 days are going to be filled with internal pep-talks. There will be lots of silent ‘YOU CAN DO THIS’ moments – I may even resort to internalized fist pumping at some point. In truth I need those little ‘bring it on’ moments. I feel like I am about to start a one man race that last from here until eternity. I see my Evolation Teacher Training not as the culmination of years of practice- it is not and never has been the end point for me, it is not the goal, the pinnacle. It is the beginning of my story – my yoga story.