Day 14 – What a day!
I knew this experience was going to firmly push me out of my comfort zone but today showed me a new meaning to being out of my comfort zone!
Standing Bow Pulling Pose was today’s teaching clinic and it isn’t a pose I am going to forget anytime soon for a number of reasons.
Mark’s arrival added an extra dimension to our usual teaching clinic, which for me and the other girls on the course was already a pretty terrifying part to each day. Knowing that we have to get up in front of everyone and teach the posture of the day, but for me, today this had a whole different dimension. I felt quite confident in my dialogue for this posture, something I haven’t felt on all the postures, but this posture, whilst it isn’t one of my favourites to do, it is one I found an easier one to memorize and so when it came to my turn to teach it to the class my nerves weren’t as bad as usual even with our new visitor mark in the room. I was determined to take on board feedback that both Maria and Toddy had given me during previous teaching clinics and I wanted to rock this posture, get all the dialogue out and do it whilst bringing my personality and passion for yoga to my students.
I taught this pose and whilst I know I didn’t deliver it as well as I had done in practice I was happy that most of what had gone in from the dialogue came out and in order which is always good!
After teaching the posture to my students I was given feedback which as usual I found very insightful and helpful but then it happened… yes then was the moment we’d all been dreading and the moment I thought, as I think we all did ,was at least another week or so away, but no, for some reason today was my day!
‘Olivia please get up and deliver all postures we have learnt to date to the class!’ disbelief, terror and sheer panic set in, was he kidding? Apparently not, because the next thing I knew I was standing up in front of the class and trying to reach back somewhere in my head to remember dialogue for each of the different standing series postures. Absolutely terrifying would be one way to describe it but slightly exhilarating at the same time. Sure there was dialogue I missed and a lot of it, but I knew I just needed to keep going, say something to my students and get them in and out of each posture, with as much passion and dialogue as I could muster up.
When I reached standing bow pulling pose, the pose of today’s teacher clinic I knew I was home dry. I knew this posture and I was almost there, this experience was almost over. ‘Change, kick to come up’ have never been nicer words to say!
What I couldn’t understand however was what happened next. Rather than feel proud and happy that I had actually done it, I bust into tears and not just a few tears, I am talking about big sobs, slightly hysterical. Maybe it was the relief, the release, I don’t know but they didn’t stop for at least another hour and I just couldn’t understand why. I got everyone in and out, I remembered quite a bit of dialogue so why was I crying so much? This was only yoga, no one was dying, so why was I having this reaction?
I am told this is part of the journey and that these tears may well have been for something else that was going on within me…. At this point I don’t know, but one thing is for sure I do know what the meaning of ‘being out of your comfort zone’ really is now. Thank you Toddy, I think!