I’m a skittle; hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Bikram yoga has helped soften me. Loosen my arrogant, masculine, sarcastic personality and get rid of the rough edges on the outside. I eat healthier, drink a lot less and have become more accepting to whatever fortunes faces me. I’ve experienced a side of me which I like a whole lot more than the old one. So I am feeding my inner skittle with an Evolation 4 week immersion hot yoga teacher training.
I still love to eat meat, as red and bloody as possible. I like to drink and smoke a few cigarettes on the way. I still have an insatiable desire for clothes, shoes, furniture and a lot of stuff that I really do not need. I still experience anger without any good reason and I easily get depressed or happy when irrelevant situations unfold. Surrounded with doctors and scientist in my personal life I am skeptical to most of the literature I have read about yoga. I can have allergic responses to a yoga phrases like ‘open your heart chakra’ and the namasté at the end of class.
just moments before
My hard outside is acting up as the training comes closer, after the literature I have read and after explaining to my friends and family what I will be doing this month. There is a very loud voice ridiculing what I am reading, writing and doing. I am guessing this is fear of being ditched. It is attachment to a survival personality that I no longer need. I might be even more ready to let it go.
‘Being a yogi means that one is seriously on the path but not necessarily at the end of it.’
My inner struggle, my yin and yang (you see how I am incorporating ‘yoga’ language already!), my male and female side, my repulsion and adoration will continue these 4 weeks. But with so many classes and studies I will seriously be moving along the path. That DOES make me a yogi.