Interestingly, my yoga “story” started after the HotTT, when my life began. I learned to let go of what prevents me from becoming who I’m meant to be. I discovered that I was unconsciously holding on to stories in the attempt to keep the myself safe. I was asked to witness, examine, and recognize these with the support to step into the freedom of living into a higher Self.
Training provided a yogic spiritual foundation for my transition. Discussion on the Bhagavad Gita is interwoven throughout lectures. Here Krishna speaks to Arjuna about the necessity for one to fully live the life he is meant to live. Moreover, close examination of The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali provided a set of guidelines to follow and increase discernment of what this might look like. And finally, the workshop with Expanding Light practitioners on the first weekend of the training and study of the life of Paramahansa Yogananda in the Autobiography of a Yogi set the tone for the next seven weeks.
I had my forty-seventh birthday the first weekend of training. Here it is said:
- “The transitions of life’s second half offer a special kind of opportunity to break with the social conditioning that has carried us successfully this far and [onward] to do something really new and different.”
– William Bridges
There were many opportunities to begin putting what I was learning into practice so as to experience this transition.
The deepest and most emotionally challenging opportunity was to face the sixth year anniversary of my four year old son’s physical death. The tears were still pouring from within. Through employing reason, will, and devotion around what I was learning I was sincerely able to feel sheer joy in his memory and let go of the deep sorrow I felt for my self.
Another opportunity was to let go of the story I had around my yoga. I had taught my self yoga at nineteen from The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga written by a disciple of Swami Sivananda. I practiced alone for twenty-five years without ever concerning myself with a guru, ashram, or yoga class in public! The postures, breathing, and meditation were my time between school, work, and household. Through practicing yoga with others, and ultimately teaching others, I was initiated into what it felt like to share this internal journey outwardly.
Admittedly, I still felt my self fight against changes until the very last week of training. Fortunately, our training leaders, namely Mark and Zefea, put together final practices where I experienced a sense of freedom never felt before into trusting a higher Self. This was supported by the intimacy I had already held with fellow yogis through the vast workshop curriculum during Synergy Yoga, Yin Yoga, and Rainbow Kids Yoga.
Needless to say, I find myself back to regular life now without the incubation bubble of TheHotTT. I am still coming up against the challenge of seeing my story and it’s limitations. The difference is that now I have a solid foundation upon which to grow. Thank you for this opportunity to put into words and to help manifest a continued practice of Yoga for the Self.