Well I’d like to say that getting up at 5:30am and falling back into bed at 11:30pm gets easier but that would be a bold faced lie. In fact, hard as I try my body seems to be working against me.
It doesn’t make sense. I understand that the days are long and the overload of information combined with the never-ending dialogue cram is taking a toll but I had hoped that my strict adherence to a healthy diet could combat all of that.
I have an abundance of vegan-friendly snacks and food on hand all day, at yet today for example, I hit a serious mid-day wall followed by a bitter battle with my stomach to keep my food down. I lost that fight. But why am I throwing up? I basically repeat my meals and my routine remains unchanged since the training started. I have only had two coffees in two weeks and no alcohol for almost a month. What the hell body? Get your shit together. Nobody wants to be the sick kid in class. Not only does it pull everyone else down, it also makes a 12-hour day so much harder than it already is. Even now as I clatter away on the keys I can feel the deep pangs of a headache forming behind my eyes. I’m not even sure what else to do at this point. More sleep? More water? More Oreos? Okay perhaps no Oreos, but a girl can dream.
Today was an otherwise busy day. We had two classes, a posture clinic, lecture and some teaching. It’s the same old blah blah blah really. The days are long and filled with more information than I’m sure any of us can actually process. I’m really enjoying the challenge; mentally and physically. I just need my body to get on board.
It’s comforting to know that I am not in this physical/mental overhaul alone. I broke the ice with the tears on day two and since then the flood gates have swelled and burst for everyone else in the course.
It’s hard to explain to anyone else who hasn’t been where we are now. Many people would question why yoga, something that is meant to be both mentally and physically uplifting could reduce you to tears. “It’s just yoga,” I’ve heard people say. I suppose on a surface level they’re right. But going deeper into yourself is a powerful experience.
How many people really know who they are? How many people can honestly say that they are being true to themselves? An authentic look would probably make most question where they stand internally. To truly know your limits, to push beyond them, to challenge yourself to be better than you were the day before and most importantly, to leave your ego behind are all the part of the journey that is “just yoga.” And these all-encompassing trials can be quite overwhelming. That’s why it is so crucial that you are surrounded by empathetic people who understand your journey and help you through it.
Maria is by far the kindest, most loving and empathetic person I have ever met. She embraces her true nature and it radiates in the beautiful person she is. She carries a sense of peace in the way she communicates and everything she says seems to search for the positive. Her feedback is always pushing us to find the good in what we have accomplished and it is truly a pleasure to be in her company. She is one of those people you gravitate towards. She is a shining example of the kind of person I am working towards being; humble, non-judgemental and constantly searching for goodness.
Toddy is a person who brings a strong energy to the room. His passion for teaching and health is evident in his ability to lead lectures and guide our group. He brings the balance to the course in his tough-love approach. He’s not afraid to be honest and push you to bring the best of yourself to the class. He comes across as slightly guarded but I think he’s started to soften just a bit in the last few days. Despite his tendency to be slightly more critical, I believe that his heart is in the right place and he is coming from a place of love and goodness. Our success is his success.
This course isn’t easy and certainly isn’t for the faint of heart. It is challenging on every plane of your life and forces you to experience the uncomfortable and embrace it with open arms. Nothing could be more accurate than to say that “all great change is preceded by great chaos”.